I have been making plates for a long time. I love making them. I have stopped many times, said I was going to throw it all in. But when I look at it, it because some-one else has done some-thing to make the process fail. Not because of what I have done. Other peoples apathy really is a killing emotion at times. As you know I had been brave and took some plates into the amazing St Barts shop. I got more than I bargained for. An order for 61 plates. My partner could not understand why when I came out of the meeting I was not screaming with joy. I could not either. I had ideas. It turned out they were wrong. The reason I was not over the moon as it turned out was I knew that I was at the hands of others to get these plate made. The fate of the plates was not mine to control I was at the mercy of some woman who could be rather unpleasant. I was getting by for the first lot of plates loosing some at the hands of others. I was controlling the fears and stresses. Well not really. I know also realise why I was not really able to cope with the stresses. Because I was not in control of my work. There for I was letting the shop down and being well not myself. The call came from the shop telling me that were taking back orders for my plates. Ok so as I already know people love my plates. Now here they were being sold at expensive shop prices and people were still loving them. Ok I had to take control. SO what did I do ? I started looking at second hand kilns. It didnt feel right. So you know what I did I said to myself the stress is killing you, life is ment to be fun, this is ment to be fun. You are a squirrel, what good is being a squirrel if you never eat the nuts. So yes I ordered a lovely Woodrow kiln. Build especially for me. Me, who is worthy of a new kiln and a stress free relationship with her clay. I could not hold in the shrieks of joy coming from me. Not only was this coming from me but I found myself so happy and excited and free from stress.
I still have a massive smile on my face days later. I am now soooo relaxed about making the plates. I feel totally in control of my pottery life now, not at the whims of a group of silly old women. Yes, decadent in money terms, but for me as a person, as an artist, it has no cost. I am not paying any attention to the voice that was there months ago "will it be a waste of money, will I use it ?" I dont care. I am looking at it as the door which has opened to see the most amazing array of possibilities in the form of a beautiful path made out of flag stones. Each one a new step to some-where. All I know is it will be some-where arty. If any-one is holding back and questioning themselves for any-thing right now I say jump, leap, stop listening and just do it. The smile is priceless, as is having all of you to talk to about it and share the steps and those smooth inviting flag stones.
Dont struggle with decisions. It makes you fall apart. Just make the action and do it. I am so in love with what I have done for myself. Thank-you self, thank-you.